Nik had to work on Saturday, so we got baths and stuff done and then just went to the park down the street where their was a lemonade stand set up. So I had the kids work out how to give $5 and get 50 cent lemonade and cookies for 4 people and how much change to get back. Then we just hung out until Nik met us in the park.
On Sunday, we went back to UUCCWC because the kids have been asking for months now. they were really excited to go, but not many of their friends they were looking forward to seeing were there that day. But they saw Maya and Bill, and they liked that. They were happy to be back. I wasn’t planning on going back being a big deal for me, I was happy to be back and have just consigned myself to it being a “spiritual” journey to accept them where they are and hope that they will accept me. But I teared up and blubbered all the way through everything. It was mostly because of D. The situation is such a mess there, and that church was D’s and my church before it was anyone else’s. There were so many places there that I saw him and remembered him being there with us when we were a family. Not too many people talked to us, but some did and were happy to see us. Others may have avoided us because I probably looked like a blubbering mess and a crazy person. It was sad there without Sara, too. But it felt right to be back, and I will get over my D sadness. It is a combination of anger and sympathy for him, which is a weird combination to have. but mostly a deep sorrow and a realization that there is nothing I can do and that is hard. It was father’s day, too. So that probably compounded it for me when they talked about that. We tried to call D today at the hospital, but there was no answer.
I talked to Bob about different supported housing and care options for D, but Bob is in denial and just blew it off, saying that coming home is part of D’s recovery. Well, he could have come home months ago, and hasn’t, so I don’t think his motivation for coming home is the same as Bobs. Susannah thinks he is scared to come home and I agree, but he does not want to admit that to Bob. And besides, one of the options I suggested was to come home, but get 24 hour help. These things take time and work to arrange, but Bob just wants to wait till D comes home and decided for himself that he can’t live there alone. Fine. On to the next crisis. I am not talking about taking decision making power away from him. I am talking about collecting all the information for him so he knows what options are out there and can make an informed choice. But that family is so reactionary and in such a different plane from reality. I guess I am writing this down here in this blog because, hey, kids. I want you to know that I tried my best and I cared deeply. I did not give up. But there is only so much one can do when others have their heads stuck in the sand. I may try to go visit him sometime next week, but I am not getting a whole lot of response from him.
Avery was pretending to be a frog while waiting for Nik to come down from the max.
Bittersweet. Back at church.
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Acquara Independent School 
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